Still trying

I'm still trying to find myself.

I've been lost. Lost into nothingness. I thought I already knew myself. But I guess I was wrong.

Sorry to those people I hurt. Those people I left behind. Sorry to my family who had been awfully worried about me. Also, sorry for making you shed another tear, my little dark angel. Sorry.

But enough of it. Its now time to say thank you for always being there beside me. Thank you for the wonderful messages, though some of it broke my heart after realizing how much it causes you pain, but still, it only showed me that you love me now. Thank you.

To my brothers, the three J's of my life, Kuya Jawu, Ja and Jr. Thank you for the concern and sorry for making you worry about me.

To my mom, sorry for making you cry. Sorry if I gave you sleepless nights when i tried to run away.

But hope that you all understand that all I wanted is to find the "me" I used or supposed to be.

But here's what I can say for now, I am very thankful for having you all in my life and it made me love all of you more.

Jae Fen Yoon

Misery

I cry myself to sleep again tonight
'Cause I cannot hold you tight
I wish I could see you again tomorrow
To take all this sorrow, sorrow
I'm hollow

When I touch you
Can you feel it
When I need you
Can you give it
When I look in your eyes
Can you see me
When I fall, fall
Will you catch me, catch me, catch me

These tears on my face
Are for you
I wish that I could hold you
Touch you, feel you
My heart is bleeding can't you see
I wish that you could hold me
Touch me, feel me

When I touch you
Can you feel it
When I need you
Can you give it
When I look in your eyes
Can you see me
When I fall, fall
Will you catch me?

Misery is what I feel
When you're not around
So I can't heal
Misery is what I feel

Goodbye

I'm sorry for everything I had said,
the thought of me making you cry repeats in my head.
I'm sorry I can never make you happy,
inside I feel so crappy.
I'm sorry for wasting your time,
wanted to make you have a happy life.
I'm sorry for I have failed,
never do anything right.
I'm sorry that I had to say sorry
I promise my love, my world, my girl, my perfect dark angel,
that I would never say those awful things
what hurts the most is that I broke my promise, made you cry,
most of all my dark angel
I'm sorry that I have to say goodbye.

Stupidity

Everyday I wake up
Hoping to get a fresh start
Praying I can undo
The mistakes I've done to you.

Everyday it's the same thing,
My memories come to haunt me.
I never knew it'd come to this
And now I'm regretting it.

Basically I'm saying sorry..
Sorry for my stupidity.
If you find it in your heart to forgive me,
I thank you with full sincerity.

But if you find it too hard to do so,
It's all right, who can blame you?
If there's even anyone to blame, it's me..
Me and my stupidity..

抱歉

如果我做着此，我抱歉我的天使。 但是我认为这是您的最佳的方式能容易地忘掉我。 如果我已经，导致您心伤我抱歉。 我将想念您。

这首歌曲是为您

这别的再见歌曲
我用尽词说
多么坏我感觉
多么哀伤和真正
当某人说再见
并且我没有准备着哭泣

这别的再见歌曲
我感到词现在是来
并且他们显露多么坏我感觉
起因您不是来回到我

我听见您的想法
我听见他们在我的心脏徘徊的您的每个词
我看见我听见您的声音的您的面孔
当两只眼睛闭上我听见您呼吸
我未曾认为这天将来
当您会说再见

这别的再见歌曲
这别的再见歌曲
我感到词现在是来
并且他们显露多么坏我感觉
起因您不是来回到我

这别的再见歌曲
我用尽词说
多么坏我感觉多么哀伤和真正
当某人说再见
并且我没有准备着哭泣

这别的再见歌曲
这别的再见歌曲
我感到词现在是来
并且他们显露多么坏我感觉
起因您不是来回到我

我听见您的想法
我听见您的每个词
他们在我的心脏徘徊
我看见我听见您的声音的您的面孔
当两只眼睛闭上我听见您呼吸
我未曾认为这天将来
当您会说再见

这别的再见歌曲
这别的再见歌曲
我感到词现在是来
并且他们显露多么坏我感觉
起因您不是来后面

The other one was not my last post afterall

The Art Of Letting Go - Mikaila

"The Art Of Letting Go"

Put away the pictures.
Put away the memories.
I put over and over
Through my tears
I've held them till I'm blind
They kept my hope alive
As if somehow that I'd keep you here
Once you believed in a love forever more?
How do you leave it in a drawer?

Now here it comes, the hardest part of all
Unchain my heart that's holding on
How do I start to live my life alone?
Guess I'm just learning,
Learning the art of letting go.

Try to say it's over
Say the word goodbye.
But each time it catches in my throat
Your still here in me
And I can't set you free
So I hold on to what I wanted most
Maybe someday we'll be friend's forever more
Wish I could open up that door

Now here it comes, the hardest part of all
Unchain my heart that's holding on
How do I start to live my life alone?
Guess I'm just learning,
Learning the art of letting go

Watching us fade
What can I do?
But try to make it through
the pain of one more day
Without you

Where do I start, to live my life alone?
I guess I'm learning, only learning,
Learning the art of letting go.

Hopefully wouldn't be my last post. :(

Forgive me love

Forgive me love
For I must go
And decide for myself
What I don not know

Forgive me love
For walking away
I didn't plan for this to happen
I didn't want it this way.

Forgive me love
Please wait for me
I must do this
If only you'd see.

Forgive me love
I do love you so
I don't know what else to say
So with this I'll go.

Forgive me love
As I walk away
Forgive me love
But it has to be this way.

Wants

I want a new life that's easy on me
I want a new soul that I can set free
I want some wings to soar through the sky
I want a new shoulder to use when I cry
I want what's best, though it might not be right
I want to be strong, though not wanting to fight
I want to be loved, but only if it's true
I want a soft breeze to carry me to you.
But getting these things is just too much to ask,
And, achieving each one is too big of a task.
So there's only one wish that I hope will come true:
That someday I'll be together with you.

Im in heaven

I am, if not the happiest, then one of the happiest man on earth right now. Feels like I'm in heaven, together with my sweet angel.

:D

This I Promise You

This song if for an Angel sent by the heavens for me to love.

Love you po.

This I Promise You - Jem.mp3 - Jae Fen Yoon and Sam Concepcion

When the visions around you,
Bring tears to your eyes
And all that surround you,
Are secrets and lies
I'll be your strength,
I'll give you hope,
Keeping your faith when it's gone
The one you should call,
Was standing here all along..

And I will take
You in my arms
And hold you right where you belong
Till the day my life is through
This I promise you
This I promise you

I've loved you forever,
In lifetimes before
And I promise you never...
Will you hurt anymore
I give you my word
I give you my heart (give you my heart)
This is a battle we've won
And with this vow,
Forever has now begun...

Just close your eyes (close your eyes)
Each loving day (each loving day)
I know this feeling won't go away (no..)
Till the day my life is through
This I promise you..
This I promise you..

Over and over I fall (over and over I fall)
When I hear you call
Without you in my life baby
I just wouldn't be living at all...

And I will take (I will take you in my arms)
You in my arms
And hold you right where you belong (right where you belong)
Till the day my life is through
This I promise you baby

Just close your eyes
Each loving day (each loving day)
I know this feeling won't go away (no..)
Every word I say is true
This I promise you

Every word I say is true
This I promise you
Ooh, I promise you...

Mask

Isn't it funny how people act
exactly the opposite of how they feel?
How people accept things
despite the rebellion building inside their hearts?
How they pose a smile,
when all they want to do is cry?

Perhaps, it wouldn't be much of a sin
If I say something unreal...
If I hide beneath my shell...
If I keep a secret to myself...
Than cause more conflict and pain.

Perhaps, it wouldn't hurt to admit
That I too am guilty of such errors
That I also have my flaws
That I also got scared
For I'm also human...
Lame... Coward... Pretentious...

My tears

The day seemed so long
The night even longer
I could not help but wonder
Why you were so mad at me
The tone in your voice as if you could care less
I wanted to lie down and die
But all I could do was cry

Tears

I am disappointed.

Pinaghirapan ko yung report na yun eh. Most of the BOD are satisfied with my report pero bakit hindi kayo? Nakakainis si Opa! Kulang pa ba yung presentation na yun? Pinagpaguran ko yun. Pinagpuyatan ko yun. But did he appreciate it? No! Pinagsabihan pa ako na napaka walang kuwenta ko kasi simple lang yung pinapagawa niya, hindi ko pa magawa! Darn!

Gusto kong umiyak! I really want to cry my heart out!

Darn it!

You

Is there anyway to be there now?
If there is, I don't see how
I want you, miss you, need you so
Yet the absence make love grow.

When the time comes for us to meet
Its then that I will be complete
You are the other half of me,
the half that holds the key.
You've unlocked my heart to laughter
And with you I'll share my soul forever after

Untitled 1

I cannot promise you that I will love you for as long as I live
Because I know you deserve to be loved for more than one life
I cannot promise you tomorrow, for tomorrow I might not have the chance to see it with you
But one thing I can always promise you,
and that is every day I take the vow of love
to love you for more than forever
From my time and beyond, that is how I love you.

The Return of the Iris

Here I go again, Iris would be the Music in my ears now. But only next to, Lara [My Love].

I'll explain in my future blogs about the song, Lara [My Love] by the Moffatts. But for now, its Iris once more.

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
and sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

A song from my heart

I've been listening to this song which I got from my borther's playlist. I've been loving it since then and even can relate to it. That's all I can say for now. Here's the song from The Moffatts, Girl I'm Gonna Get You.

Girl Im Gonna Get Ya - Arnie Zablan / The Moffatts

Girl I've been watching you
Wondering, what's your name
(And could I get ya?)
I'm hoping that you feel the same
Baby, what's on your mind?
Darlin' don't you know it's the perfect time
You know I'm gonna make you mine

Girl I'm gonna get ya
You know I need you in my world
You know I'm gonna get ya
I'm begging you to be my girl
Even though you might be scared
I promise I'll be there
Girl I'm gonna get ya tonight

Now that we're all alone
I'm looking in your eyes
(Can you see me?)
Girl, this is no surprise
I think I'm falling in love
Darlin' don't you know its the perfect time
You know I'm gonna make you mine

Girl I'm gonna get ya
You know I need you in my world
You know I'm gonna get ya
I'm begging yout o be my girl
Even though you might be scared
I promise I'll be there
Girl I'm gonna get ya tonight

Don't you know I need you
(need you now)
Every time I see you
(see you there)
Don't keep me waiting with my love on the line
When you are away from me
You're the only one I see
Girl I just can't seem to get you off my mind
Yeah
(Get ya)
Girl I'm gonna get ya
Girl I'm gonna get ya

Girl I'm gonna get ya
You know I need you in my world
You know I'm gonna get ya
I'm begging you to be my girl
Even though you might be scared
I promise I'll be there
Girl I'm gonna get ya tonight

Girl I'm gonna get ya tonight

A simple poem for an ANGEL like you

I tell you I love you
but I don't know for sure.
The feelings inside me
are mixed up and blur.

I don't know how to tell you
that I just can't make up my mind.
Many times I've said it,
for you to think that I'm kind.

What if I do,
could it be true?
I don't know
could I really love you?

I guess it takes awhile
to know how to feel.
But now I know,
that I love you for real.

JFY

Confessions

In my new found love, there is your heart
I can only keep it to myself
can't let you know about it
i don't want to get hurt
and i dont want to hurt

i know your true love
but still, can you tell me who your true love
not too much to ask, isn't it?
a wilting love, I am
but ill keep you here in my heart
until the time comes that you know it too well
and finally learned to understand

Break

I can't sleep. I've been in cloud nine yesterday.

I met up with my High School friends in Bulacan and then went to Cavite for some stroll. Buti na lang pinayagan ako ni Oma to go out. I was hesistant nung una to call her to ask if its okay, then she allowed me to go. She even asked me if I were to sleep over. She even packed some of my clothes, just two clothes and some necessary stuff, for me to use during the break.

I left around 5:00 in the afternoon and just a few hours drive towards Bulacan.

Wow, I really miss my friends! Buti na lang at nakuha ni Janice ang number ko. At first nag wonder ako kung pano niya nahanap number ko, then naalala ko na nakakausap pala niya sa chat si Kuya.

The get-together is sort of a reunion na for us. And I really enjoyed it. Kita niyo naman, untill now, gising pa ako. :D

Oh well, I'm off to sleep now. I just hope that I'll be able to wake up by 7:00 am for work. Or else, oma might get mad at me.

Good night friends.

Jae Fen Yoon

Trapped

I would like to believe that I'm in love. With someone I don't know and who didn't figure in my plans at all. All these years of self-control, of denying love, have had exactly the opposite result: I have let myself be swept away by the first person to treat me a little differently.

It's just as well I don't have her phone number, that I don't know where she lives; that way, I can lose her without having to blame myself for another missed opportunity.

And if that is what happens, if I have already lost her, I will at least have gained one very happy day in my life. Considering the way the world is, one happy day is almost a miracle.

Iris Analysis

And I give up forever to touch you
[Yes, I'll definitely give it up for you]
'Cause I know that you'll feel me somehow
[Hope that I was right thinking this way]
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
[If there's more than heaven, then that's where I'll be]
And I don't want to go home right now
[I don't want to go home every time I'm with you]

And all I can taste is this moment
[And its the sweetest taste ever!]
And all I can breath is your life
[Because you really are my life]
And sooner or later its over
[Hope this wouldn't be over]
I just don't want to miss you tonight
[But I'm starting to miss you right now, badly]


And I don't want the world to see me
[Its you who I want to see me, no one else]
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
[Hope that you will]
When every things made to be broken
[Every thing, but not your heart]
I just want you to know who I am
[I want you to know the real me]

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
[You don't need to fight any tears cause I won't make you cry]
Or the moment of truth in your lies
[Please, don't lie to me]
When everything feels like the movies
[OUR romantic movie]
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive
[Don't bleed, that would hurt me]

My dying quest for liberty

Its twisting isn't it? My other self used to say to me, “You're scared to do anything because it may be forbidden.” Our freedom is strictly limited. Yet things were still bearable.

We live within the limits of our society. With this in mind, then is there really such a thing called freedom?

Freedom is a right many people had fought for, some even died for it. Billions of principles had been laid down for the chance to be free. Amidst all these, I still cant help but wonder what makes the idea of freedom so important, when in fact; no one can ever fathom its absolute meaning. Freedom is still on its paradoxical being.

Now, lets talk about freedom on a more personal level. . . What I mean of course is personal freedom. I believe we share different views on how we perceive it, just as other great thinkers have diversely defined it in their own thoughts.

Freedom, I may say, is an important element of ones existence. It allows us to pursue our dreams, to discover and innovate things, to respect others rights and to empower us to make a change.

But just like other things, freedom is tagged with high price.

Freedom becomes questionable when we speak of rules. Many believe that there's no such thing as absolute freedom. Our freedom is restricted by man-made rules and we have to follow them no matter what. It should be respected for they are undeniably products of freedom itself. Contradicting isn't it? restriction born out of freedom?

Yes, we are free. This is still a free country and as a free man, you are obliged to obey the laws for the sake of order, rules are good. Bear that in mind and they will stay that way since we benefit from them and they protect us from oppression and abuse of power and if ever this happens, we have freedom that allows us to make a stand and to speak out our minds.

Remember though that freedom is not a license to do whatever we desire in response to an abusive action. If that will happen, were no longer free because we have been slaved by our own actions (correct me if I’m wrong, you’re free to do so).

People are being misled with the notion that freedom means doing what we want to do. If that’s the case, does it mean that if someone wants to kill somebody, he or she is free to do so? definitely not, because there is a divine lat that states, “Thou shall not kill.”

So again, I ask, where does freedom really lie?

Laws are not designed to deprive us from doing what we wish to do. It is clear that “want” is totally different from “ought”.

As I’ve said before and now I stress once more, “freedom comes with corresponding responsibilities in accordance with thoughts about freedom itself.”

Still, it also argued that the evils of chaos may be rooted from freedom itself. This is a big contradiction and it involves the confusing idea of our constant quest for the truth on being free.

Maybe we’d wonder. . . Why were we given freedom in the first place? Does He know that it could cause havoc in the future? But thinking deeper would lead us to a conclusion that it is because He loves us that we were given such privilege.

Yet, question still bug my mind. Freedom obviously is complicated. In the course of my dying quest for real freedom one that gives me contentment and happiness, I have found out that it is not freedom that causes chaos and diversity. It’s the abuse of freedom. The consequences all boil down on how an individual perceives and implements freedom, once at hand.

With different views, perceptions and beliefs, you cant expect everybody to agree all the time. In the long run, no one can ever claim and fathom that his ideas and opinions are all right. And it is because we are fortunate enough to express ourselves freely.

Freedom truly has many faces. In fact, any of you may debunk this whole thing or maybe find this as an illogical and confusing piece of work. Well, there's no such thing or rule that says. “thou shall not express thy thoughts,” neither, “thou shall not contradict my ideas!”

Whether you assess if you ought to do it or not, I leave the judgment to you since you are free after all to do so.

ive tried but im tired

1. “The size of your success is
measured by the strength of your desire; the size of your dream; and
how you handle disappointment along the way.”

2. “It is generally known, that
he who expects much will be often disappointed; yet disappointment
seldom cures us of expectation, or has any effect other than that of
producing a moral sentence or peevish exclamation”

3. “Disappointment to a noble
soul is what cold water is to burning metal; it strengthens, tempers,
intensifies, but never destroys it.”

4. “The sudden disappointment of a hope leaves a scar which the ultimate fulfillment of that hope never entirely removes.”

5. “A particularly beautiful woman is a source of terror. As a rule, a beautiful woman is a terrible disappointment.”

6. “When people get married
because they think it’s a long-time love affair, they’ll be divorced
very soon, because all love affairs end in disappointment. But marriage
is a recognition of a spiritual identity.”

Blogspot

I don't know what to do with this.

Help anyone?

:D

Jae Fen